In the pursuit of success, wellbeing, health, and fulfilment, self-discipline can be seen as a foundational skill. It enables us to direct our life consciously towards our chosen goals, making the most of our abilities and opportunities.

However, I believe that we can also put too much emphasis on the concept of discipline.

My Personal Approach

I had a successful career which I stepped away from in 2015 so that I could do something more aligned with my deeper values. I wouldn't say that I am a particularly disciplined person. To me the word discipline implies rigidity, strictness, control, and a certain coldness.

It has therefore been important for me to develop approaches to success that don't rely solely on the concept of self-discipline. Here are the key elements that help me be successful without the strictness of hard discipline.

I Understand My Why

Simon Sinek spoke to this in his book Start with Why. By being connected to my why, I find I have a lot more intrinsic motivation to do the challenging things. I think of this as making things matter.

I Focus on the Process

Athletes need to create a training plan and stick to it, day in, day out — focusing on small and consistent steps. I believe this also means letting go of perfectionism: I put in the effort and work with the results that come.

I Have Clear Goals

Clear goals are about including specifics about what to measure, how much, and by when. I also celebrate all the small wins — recognising even the smallest goals each day. I think of this as making things real.

I Embrace Delayed Gratification

When I can recognise that I don't want to do something because it will make me uncomfortable, I can promise myself a break or reward after doing the task. This also helps me let go of procrastination.

I Practise Self-Compassion

This means recognising when things are tough for me and supporting myself, as well as balancing attachment to outcome with acceptance that despite my best efforts, things may not work out exactly as I hope — and that is also okay. If I am well resourced, well rested, and in a good state of mind, I find it much easier to maintain focus and do the tough tasks.

I Customise for Success

This means learning what works for me and using that to create tailored support systems. For me this includes taking regular holidays or breaks, knowing who gives me energy, exercising to feel energised and refreshed every day, and doing the things I love to do.

The Psychological Foundations

At the heart of self-discipline lies a battle against our brain's evolutionary wiring, which favours immediate rewards over long-term gains. Self-discipline is built on a foundation of self-control, consistency, sustained focus, and willpower.

At the most basic level, I see self-discipline as the ability to choose how we act, respond, and think in each moment. I like to think of each moment as a choice point: we can either satisfy our immediate desire for comfort and safety, or we can choose the less comfortable option that moves us towards what we want in our life. This connects directly to the practice of moving from reactive to choiceful responding.

The Potential Downsides

Over-reliance on self-discipline without adequate rest or self-care can lead to burnout. Excessive focus on discipline and structure might stifle creativity. Failure to meet one's own strict standards can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy.

A Softer Approach

The concept of "soft self-discipline" acknowledges that the rigid, harsh approach traditionally associated with self-discipline may not be effective or healthy for everyone. Soft self-discipline focuses on:

  • Gentleness with Oneself: Treating setbacks with kindness rather than harsh self-criticism.
  • Flexibility: Being adaptable and willing to adjust goals and routines as needed.
  • Mindfulness and Self-Awareness: Using awareness to guide disciplined actions in a more compassionate way.
  • Intrinsic Motivation: Focusing on internal desires and values as the driving force. For me this is the most important factor — I link intrinsic motivation to a sense of purpose, which I find fundamental for any real success.

Conclusion

Mastering self-discipline is not merely about imposing strict rules upon ourselves but about nurturing a balanced, flexible, and mindful approach towards personal and professional growth. Self-discipline is a skill to be developed rather than an innate trait — understanding this opens us to a journey of continuous learning and improvement.

This kind of inner development is closely connected to why personal growth is essential for leaders, and to the courage to face and work with the parts of ourselves that hold us back.